Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she pinky promised me she was 18
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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