my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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