I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
