yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
