I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
