So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
