living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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