sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
