An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
