my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
