guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
