Small penises have feelings too.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
