..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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