I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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