we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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