Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
