i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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