It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
