I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
