Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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