i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
