Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
