Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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