i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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