ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
