I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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