Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
