Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
