Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
