I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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