I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
