Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
