I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
