In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
