the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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