So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
