What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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