I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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