Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
