The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
