New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
