Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
