I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
