god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
