whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sext me about skeletons
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
