Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize