Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
