yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
