so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
