I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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