I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
