Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
