If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
