Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
