I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
