Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I did not marry a roomba.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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