If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
did i just pee glitter
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
