I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
