she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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