THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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