i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
