don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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