I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
