At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
