Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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