I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
