took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
