I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize