So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"it" just moved
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
